Adult Braces & Other Pretty Things

I got Invisalign a week ago. They are the equivalent of retainers that you wear ALL DAY. Yes, they say optimal wear is 22 hours a day....well, I eat for longer than two hours a day. And, with the Halloween candy season upon us (which, if you know me at all, you know October is like my Superbowl) these retainers are really cramping my snacking style. Regardless, I made the commitment for "six to nine months" and being only a week in feel it's a little premature to begin any kind of countdown. Given I've been through braces already when I was in middle school, and the look was much more age-appropriate, it is really dumb that I'm going through it again. When I think about all the things my parents already did to ensure I didn't have a mangled smile, and I let my teeth go all sideways again. Six years of expanders, braces, rubber bands, retainers and even oral surgery to remove extra teeth. Yes, extra teeth. I'm weird. The retainers may not make me feel pretty, but it's a means to an end. Like so many other things in my life right now. I'm still working on the last 10 pounds of pregnancy weight. Breastfeeding my sweet 7-month-old, and therefore pumping while at work. There isn't anything in the world that makes you feel as unattractive as hooking a pump up to your chest. Finally, after a bad pedicure several months ago, I have an ingrown toenail that's going to be removed later this week. I'm petrified, and it's not going to be pretty. So, the other day when my boss told me, "I really like your lisp," instead of getting teary (apparently I have to cry out any remaining pregnancy hormones) I just laughed with him and remembered it's not forever. I can do anything for six to nine months.

I'm Such A Mom

My husband and I still look at each other sometimes and say, "Can you believe we have a daughter?" It happens at least once a week. She's nearly seven months old, but I swear she still smells new. Lately, I've been having a lot of these internal realizations I'm a mom. Realizations stop me dead in my tracks and make me think, "I'm such a mom."

Tonight, for example, a part fell off the dishwasher. I spent the next 15 minutes having a private panic attack thinking I'd have to wash all those bottles by hand.

My 7-month-old has a yearbook. Her teachers at school (I call it school to take the edge off the guilt) took some pictures of all the kids in her class and made a book. I promptly ordered one to the tune of $60, which my husband says is "egregious." I told him he'll really appreciate these pictures several years from now. His response? "That's what my dad told me about my letterman jacket and class ring. And, I'll be honest with you. I haven't been thankful for either of those."

My past two evenings have been spent at parenting classes. One was for a music class we enrolled baby girl in, which as you can imagine is the cutest thing ever. I've spent the past week learning all the words to Hush Little Baby and Pop Goes the Weasel.

Other things that hit me recently:

1) I've never cooked in my life, and I'm making homeade baby food.

2) I have a lactation consultant in my phone "favorites."

3) I bought her Halloween costume - a baby unicorn - in August at a consignment sale. 1) It was the best purchase I've ever made, and 2) I have been planning how I'm going to wash it without ruining it ever since.

4) I found a $20 in my pocket and immediately thought about what cute baby item I could buy.

5) The best compliment I've ever received was when my husband told me our daughter was lucky to have me as her mom.

The Perfect Cheer...I mean Baby Registry

I'm going to just pretend my last blog entry wasn't more than a year ago. When I learned I was pregnant last June (yes, of 2010) I thought it would be cool to blog about my experience being pregnant. Then, when I had my wonderful daughter March 4, 2011, I thought it would be cool to blog about being a mom.

So, hello (late) July 2011. Fancy you sneaking up on me. Something I have thought about since having my baby girl (actually, since about April because the first month was a euphoric, painful, glorious, sleepless blur) is the perfect baby registry. There are many alarming and scary things during pregnancy. These include, but are not limited to: cups full of urine, ultrasounds, unpasteurized cheese and the baby registry. How are you supposed to know what your baby needs when a) you have never owned a baby and b) you don't know what your baby will like?

Now that I'm nearly five months into the mom business I would feel a little more comfortable walking into a baby store armed with the registry gun. And below are a few of the must-haves I would ring up. Hopefully, this list gives some other new moms one less thing to be nervous about.

My Perfect Baby Registry:
The Ultimate Crib Sheet (2) - go ahead, buy your cute sheet set, but get two of these (so one can be in the wash and one on the bed) to put on top of your nice sheet and protect it from the poop, pee and spit up that is sure to come. And it will save you from changing a crib sheet, one of the hardest things to do, in the middle of the night.

Boppy Pillow and 3 Covers - you need one on the pillow, one in the wash and one as backup. Even if you're not breastfeeding, these pillows are awesome.

Rocking Chair - they are all inherently ugly, but you have to have one. I fought it because I couldn't find one I thought was pretty enough...then picture me hunched over a feeding baby at 1 a.m....2:30 a.m....4 a.m....you get the point.

Convertible Night Gowns - your baby just had a bath and is wet, cold, possibly hungry and just mad. Now, you have to pull a nightgown over his/her head. Not cool. These convertible gowns button up the front and they can snap around the legs to make it a onesie "outfit" in case you don't have time to put on real clothes in the morning. This only happened to me once, but it was worth it.

Bottle Drying Rack - bottles and their accessories don't dry quickly, so get a rack and set up an area of your kitchen counter for bottle "stuff."

Good Burp Cloths - the best ones are old-school cloth diapers. Trust me. Get them.

Vibrating Chair - so, after baby eats, he/she needs to be upright for a little while so they don't burp/puke a lot. Mine loves the laid back chair that vibrates and can even nap there sometimes.

Diapers and Wipes - you can't have too many of these, so if someone asks you "what do you need" always say diapers or wipes.

Drugs - have baby Tylenol and Vitamin D on hand right away.

Changing Pad Covers (3) - you'll go through these puppies quick. And I've heard boys are even worse about it. We actually put a spare plastic changing pad on top that came with a diaper bag and throw an old blanket from the hospital on top. That way, you have an extra layer when those accidents happen. In the middle of the night. Or when you only have one hand free to deal with it, which is all the time.

Breast Pump - if you plan to breastfeed and it works out, you don't need a pump right away. Don't freak if you haven't purchased one when baby arrives. Or even a few weeks after. Just enjoy breastfeeding without the pump, bottles and all the mess that comes with them.

Good Nursing Bras (3) - if I did it all over again, I'd actually go to a maternity store and get fitted by a pro. But, I guess Target came through just fine.

Spring Break

It's spring break. A coveted time of year for me. I harken back to days spent cruising the clothing-optional streets of Panama City Beach or driving on the actual sands of Daytona Beach...do you see a theme here? Spring was marked by the countdown to vacation, the smell of Panama Jack oil and the purchase of a new bathing suit at the Ron Jon's.

Spring break just isn't the same without visiting northern Florida. A land known for its bounty of denim shorts and Super Wal-Marts. It is a place where the memories stay with us forever, often in the form of piercings or a poorly chosen tattoo.

While I don't have any spring break plans this year, it won't stop me from throwing on my jean shorts while I tend the tulips in my front yard. I'll do a jello shot before I go on a walk to Piedmont Park. And, I won't be afraid to give a trucker the international signal requesting a honk as I drive up I-85 to work Monday.

Resolve

The beginning of a new year has always been exciting to me. I switch out the toothbrush, clean out the closet and start fresh. Ok, exciting may have been an overstatement. However, resolutions are always something I've taken seriously. I like this guy's approach - where he does three goals and just has words to define them. http://www.chrisbrogan.com/your-3-goals-for-2009/.

I usually list mine in a journal I've kept since 1998 - not daily or anything - and like to look back and see what I stuck with, accomplished or failed miserably at. That last one is always really nice.

So, here are a few of my resolutions for 2010 in case you'd like to hold me to them or just point and laugh when you see me breaking one. Either way, I still have my new toothbrush.

1. Play - This means trying new (fun) things and learning a few new games. For example, chess. Sudoku. I'm trying to work that "other" side of my brain that doesn't really get a lot of action.

2. Shoot - I'm petrified of guns, so I'm going to a range to learn how to shoot. Yes, I'll be wearing my protective goggles and earplugs.

3. Capitals - Learn all 50 state capitals. Lewis Grizzard knew them all - as I'm sure many other people do - and I just think that's cool.

4. Run Less - I took a break from running while getting a lower back injury "fixed" in 2009 and it felt great. My back has never felt better, however my waistline is another story. So, I'm going to find other (fun) ways to exercise. Skiing anyone?

5. Get Dirty - This has double-meaning. I'm a bit of a neat freak, so I'm going to back off. If you visit my house in 2010, please refer to this resolution before entering. Also, I'm going to learn more about landscaping/gardening so my yard can get a much-needed facelift. This could get really dirty.

Back To School Countdown

I realized I've skipped out on this blog all summer when my mom started calling two weeks ago with the countdown (in hours) to preplanning - an annual teacher ritual. I was left scratching my head wondering where all my good intentions for a hot tan went. It got me thinking about this bittersweet time of year. Shopping trips for school supplies, buying blue Bic pens by the bushel and praying my mom would finally buy me a real live Trapper Keeper. I perused the aisles of Roses and Wal-Mart for hours looking for the perfect supplies to last me through the year. Then, came picking out the first-day outfit. Probably the most important decision of the entire year. It's a defining outfit. Literally. My first day of fourth grade at a new school in Blairsville, Ga., I wore a bright orange Ronald McDonald T-shirt. I loved it and thought it was the perfect complement to my green shorts. People still remember me to this day as "the girl who wore the Ronald shirt to school the first day." This is one of the most stressful times of year for a kid (second only to the CRCT or whatever asinine test determines the future of their next grade level and, therefore, social life forever.) As the countdown comes to a close this Sunday and alarms are set for times that should be illegal, I fondly remember those days when the biggest decision I had to make was college-rule or not and does bright orange match green? Why, yes it does.

Ice Scream

Since the weather has turned warmer and spring is upon us, there is the regular jingle of pure, unadulterated joy in the air. Every evening around 5 p.m. and again around 6, the sound of what is meant to be jovial music wafts through the air. Even when it is two or three streets over, you can hear the happy tune of the ice cream truck making its regular rounds. While this is music to every child's ear, there is also something eerie about the repetitive tune. Then, you see the man behind the wheel of this fun-mobile, and a flash of uneasiness wiggles through your stomach. Never mind the cigarette hanging out of the left side of his lips, but the scowl darkening his face puts a tinge of fear in your heart. The creepy jingle mixed with the grimace on Mr. Icecreamman's face and the electronic "hello" that squeels out every five minutes is all I need to be reminded of any excuse to pass up an orange push-up pop or fudgesicle. It all just makes me want to scream.